Sunday, February 11, 2007


Sunday. Relaxing. To me, Sunday's are like apple pie and baseball. Meant to relax. It goes together. Thank goodness for Sundays- when I usually can catch some recharging time.

I've not been in a blogging frame of mind these past several weeks. Life has been really chaotic, and way to busy. Throw in chronic sickness with one kid and bipolar crap with another one and it's been all I could do to muster the energy to stay on track from morning to night.

Things are good currently. Life is semi-stable this past week. BP girl seems more stable. Not as depressed outwardly and less anger/hostility. It's hard being on eggshells around her all the time. It's even harder feeling like nothing you do or say, helps. The powerlessness of it, can be overwhelming and all consuming at times. Like another friend who I know is struggling with similar feelings- I have not figured out the best "cognitive" way to handle life with her and remain positive and upbeat. Its the art of turning lemons into lemonade. I'm working on it, very hard. It's not something that comes naturally to me. I wish I could get her to read some blogs and/or books by others who struggle with living with BP. I read stuff like this all the time and find lots of stuff that supports who she is. If only she could see it, know there is path for her, even if that path has many pitfalls along the way. It gives me hope and I'd like to think it would give her hope too.

Basketball season is winding up. The last middle school game is tomorrow. I remembered to take my digital camera a week or two ago- I'll have to see if I can upload those pictures and post a few here. I'm so proud of my middle baby. She's in the throes of middle school and remains a good kid. Nice. She hasn't morphed into an unrecognizable alien, like some kids do. She got straight A's on her semester report card. She is athletic and has good friends. She hasn't gotten sucked into that snotty girl mentality that strikes so many of the 11-14 crowd.

Yesterday was the CCS middle school honor band/orchestra concert. CCS covers 4 local counties. ( A fact I did not know until yesterday.) All the kids must audition for a seat. This is M.'s 2nd year making a seat. She plays clarinet, although her interest is waning. I wish I could keep it alive, music is so important. For now, I simply enjoyed the concert- for I see a day in the not to far future when it probably will not be a part of her life, nor ours anymore. She plays so beautifully- I hate to see her give it up.

My mom is finally out of the hospital. Her 2nd back surgery in a year. A 3 day stay turned into a week. She was SO drugged and out of it. I'm glad she is home, because being 1000 miles away sucks. I can't go be there and again, it's that feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. It sucks!
I was pretty stressed over the whole situation. Today is the first day I talked to her and I know she actually understood who I was. Now, onward to face recovery and physical therapy. She sounded pretty upbeat, which is a great sign. I hope she can maintain that spirit.

The rain finally stopped and it's a nice day out. I don't mind the rain when I'm chilling' though. It's relaxing and somehow I don't feel so guilty for sitting around doing "nothing" when it's pouring out. Regardless- I'm not going to worry about it. Not today.

1 comment:

JaniceNW said...

Hey there!
Bipolar girl? Sounds a bit like someone else's blog.......

Good blog. Glad life is better for you. R only did band through middle school so I can relate but to be honest I can't say I miss the last minute I NEED NICE SHOES NOWs. Or the 3 hour concerts in a steaming gym.

I hope you have a good week!