Tuesday, April 10, 2007

An Attack of Nostalgia

This week is going to go by to fast. I can feel it happening . Thursday is my baby's birthday.
I'm not prepared yet, so today is the day to get it done while she is at a friends house. I can't fathom how it's been nearly 11 years. Last night I was thinking about how 11 years ago I was in my last days of pregnancy- and it made me really sad. I know I'll never be pregnant again. No more babies. No more toddlers. That magical feeling of the baby moving inside you. I tried to remember exactly how it felt to hold her when she was hours old, and I had a very hard time recapturing the feeling. The joy of baby's first smile, their unbridled baby laughter, even the crying that only *you* can soothe. There was joy, in the midst of sheer exhaustion. My baby still likes to snuggle with me every night. She is my baseball watching buddy. She is very upset if she can't be right next to me on the couch. I found myself wondering how much longer it will last. Her 21 month older sister doesn't need to sit next to me anymore. She doesn't want my side or lap to snuggle up to. Normal, completely normal, I know. But.... I'm not ready for them to not need me anymore. I wish I could recapture and bottle the earlier days......for the future which I know is coming and I'd do anything to push it back.

No comments: