Yay for the small things

I'm really tired this morning. Especially bad night sleeping. Was awake until at least 3:30am. C. is going to a girl scout cookie rally event this morning. So I'm up- pouring the java into my bloodstream. SF 49er cheerleaders will be making an appearance. Pretty wild! Who would have thought they do girl scout events? Here's hoping for a mellow day. At least I didn't have to get up at 7am today to get B. up for her job. First weekend in a month I've been able to sleep past 7. Yay for the small things!

Weary

I love the way a certain teen twists the truth to suit her distorted view of certain events.
She could never ever possibly own any responsibility for what goes on. Omitting 90% of the details is akin to lying. Such never ending BS is becoming increasingly more difficult to live with day after day.

Contemplative

This is true. To bad there are no real seasons where I live. I miss the beautiful colors and quiet serenity of New England Autumn.

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times... You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

Disbelief

Unreal scene tonight. Sitting watching the original pilot of "Monk" when my phone rings and it's my dh telling me B. is at his house. Huh? We live about 3 miles apart through the forest, and she apparently took off on foot after a fight that we had. Not really a fight persay- more me confronting her over her attitude and she turned into a bratty snot. Then thinks that I locked her in the garage. I did slam the door between the kitchen and the garage and it was apparently locked, but helloooooo..... I guess she's never heard of banging on the door to let anyone know? No, instead she assumes the worst of me, and then bolts through the dead of night. Anything could have happened to her between here and there, and I wouldn't have even known until tomorrow morning. Unfriggin real. Home now, only because I went and got her as she must have her meds. Scared the living daylights out of me. I can't believe all this drama over such a minor scene really. We've had much bigger blowouts over the years...but that was mostly before I knew she is BP. I walk around on eggshells daily not knowing if it's ok to talk to her or how she is going to react. The girl has GOT to learn to deal with conflict. Seriously! People fight, it's part of life.
I am in such disbelief over this. I locked her outside door and pray she'll still be here in the morning. At times like this I seriously wonder how much more heartache I can really deal with.

Hello Tuesday

I'm better this morning. Things are back in perspective after my pity party last night. B. is up on her own at 10am like we discussed, which makes me very happy. I slept like crap; as did C., who was still awake at 2am. I hope her sleep problems don't turn out to be some precursor for depression or another disorder. I have a really hard time understanding why a 10 year old girl has such trouble sleeping. I know only 1 piece of the puzzle: we are on vacation and staying up to late. This always seems to spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E for her and her quality of sleep. My job is to get everyone semi-back on track this week, so next week isn't hell on wheels when they go back to school. The days are blurring together for me. No mail today, due to President Ford's "Day of Mourning." I really need to mail my parking ticket off. Can't believe I got a ticket. It's been at least 15 years since I've gotten one, probably even longer. Well... Time to go wake everyone up and get some more COFFEE. What would I do without it?

edit: C. told me she was awake until 4am. How can a 10 y.o. physiologically do that? Tonight it's bedtime no later than 9:30.

Feeling Resentful

I just talked to my mom on the phone. I didn't get to talk to her on Christmas. She always seems to call when I'm not home.... and on Christmas it always seems to be either at the end of the day when everyone is pooped or when we are not here. Damn I hate these selfish feelings I'm having. But I don't understand why she doesn't or won't call earlier in the day. Doesn't she want to talk to me and the kids when the excitement of the day is fresh? I hate that it bothers me, feeling like I am always last on her list. I hate that she is always taking care of other people and putting them first. Not before me, but before herself. For years it's either been my sister, her kids, or one of her own siblings. She is always there for them, taking care of them in bad health. Letting her sisters kids and their families stay with her when they come to town. It doesn't ever matter if she is sick or would rather not. She has the room, so what? it's an automatic-- "we'll stay with Aunt Maureen." or "grandam Maureen." Yet no one is there to help her when her health is poor. Who comes to help her mow her lawn in the summer when it's calf high? Or assorted other tasks that have become hard for her to do alone? It burns me up to see her allowing herself to always be there for everyone, yet it seems to be a one way street. And everytime I actually do get to talk to her... she has to "go" long before I'm ready to say goodbye. Damn it, I feel like a sulky 10 year old. I'm pissed, and I'm pissed that I'm pissed. What the hell is wrong with me?

Amazing

The amazing has happened. My daughter got up on her own this morning. No pushing, shaking, poking, or repeatedly calling her name. No pulling her out of bed. No proping her up 99% asleep. No using the intercom on the phone for 30+ mins, over and over.
Unless you have a child you can't get up day after day, month after month, year after year- this may not seem amazing. To me, it is nothing short of a near miracle. I can't remember the last time she got up on her own without it taking an act of god. Mornings are a battle ground around here, and the level goes up the earlier it is. The sweet sound of the shower running when my alarm went off was like harps from heaven. I hope the memory will stay with me for at least a week! Took her to work at 9 and came home to a quiet sleeping house still. Sweet.

I was otherwise a slug most of the day. Enjoyed Law & Order SVU most of the day. It felt good to do nothing and just chill.

Here's hoping 2007 is a better year than 2006. I especially hope and pray for the debacle in Iraq to end and for the health of all my family and friends. Happy New Year!