Useless Crap about Me

No more whining! I'm going to make a concentrated effort to focus something positive from now on.

For fun, I stole this from Janices blog.

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? Soft Soap Pure Cashmere Moisturizing Body Wash

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? Yes :o)

3. What would you change about your living room? The ugly 70's style chandelier wall sconces

4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? D-I-R-T-Y, but almost ready to run

5. What is in your fridge? Turkey, Cheese, Sausages, Homemade Turkey Soup, Milk, OJ, 1/2+1/2, Lemonade, yogurt, assorted condiments (mayo, mustard, butter, ketchup, salad dressings, marinades, etc) some veggies and apples
Back up Fridge in the garage mainly holds drinks- Snapple, Water bottles, Propel, Vitamin Water, Diet Pepsit/7Up and overflow bulk food stuffs from Costco

6. White or wheat bread? Multi-Grain and Sourdough baby

7. What is on top of your refrigerator? a bunk of junk. Baskets, phone book ummm not sure what else

8. What color or design is on your shower curtain? No shower curtains here

9. How many plants are in your home? None. I have a black thumb :o(

10. Is your bed made right now? haven't done it yet, but I will. I like to get into a made bed at night.

11. Comet or Soft Scrub? Comet works better

12. Is your closet organized? Depends which one you look in, LOL!

13. Can you describe your flashlight? My flashlight, as in only one? We have many assorted sizes and strengths

14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic more at home? Glass

15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? Not sure, the kids make the pitcher drinks- I never drink 'em. It's probably Crystal Light of some random flavor

16. If you have garage, is it cluttered?Way cluttered. But there is a spot for my car right in the middle of it. snicker

17. Curtains or blinds? Blinds

18. How many pillows do you sleep with? I have 5 on my bed

19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night? Not unless you count my evil next door neighbor who likes to shower at 3am and the light from their humongous bathroom window shines right into my bedroom.....grrrr

20. How often do you vacuum? not often enough :o( I'm dreaming of a dyson... someday

21. Standard toothbrush or electric? Regular ole' arm powered

22. What color is your toothbrush? uhhhh teal and ???????

23. Do you have welcome mat on your front porch? There is a rough mat for wiping feet, it does not say Welcome

24. What is in your oven right now? crumbs

25. Is there anything under your bed? Yeah some boxes

26. Chore you hate the most? Cleaning bathrooms!

27. What retro items are in your home? Retro sounds so nice, like something COOL. My house is
straight out of the 80's for the most part... I just call it U-G-L-Y

28. Do you have a separate room you use an an office? I wish

29. How many mirrors are in your home? I don't know? All bedrooms have mirrored closets, plus bathrooms, plus a few assorted others...

30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? No! But that's an excellent idea

31. What color are your walls? Mostly white, except one bathroom that had hideous wallpaper

32. What does your home smell like right now? Nothing, no one is here except me

33. Favorite candle scent? Not really a candle burner-- but I do like vanilla, or subtle scents

34. What kind of pickles are in your refrigerator right now? For my pickle loving girl- the big huge honking kind

35. Ever been on your roof? Nope! Only da' man goes up there to blow the pine needles and clean the gutters out

36. Do you own a stereo? I don't! How lame is that?

37. How many TVs do you have?Embarrassed to say it...6

38. How many phones? One with 4 handsets plus 4 cell phones

39. Do you have a housekeeper? I WISH!!!! My ultimate fantasy...... it's a sad existence! LOL

40. What style do you decorate in? I wish I had a style! Modern messy? Due to three heathens who refuse to help out?

41. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? I do have 2 patterned couches but I prefer solid... those patterned ones are getting old!

42. Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yep, every room!

So thanksgiving is over. It went well. Now it's time for everyone to go back to school and the stress of the holidays is here. I wish I could enjoy the holiday season more- but it just feels like such a chore each year. I hate that I can't drum up more enthusiasm for it. I didn't even shop this weekend, not even online! That's a first. I'm in major avoidance mode.

I haven't been sleeping well and resorted to sleep aid last night- but tonight I'm up to late to take anything, since I have to be back up in a little over 6 hours.

I wonder why depression and other mental disorders tend to run in families?

The dreaded "C" word

I'm embarking on a path today-- that I don't do often enough. What is it, you wonder? It's called CLEANING. Oh Joy! I admit it-- I'm a fairly lousy housekeeper. I don't vacuum, dust or mop often enough. Nor do I do laundry often enough. I think it stems back to my domineering childhood where I was a mate in the Navy (or so it felt) so with obvious abandon, I did just that the moment I was on my own at 17 years old...... rebelled completely and fully at being orderly, structured and rigid cleaning routines. Now, 20+ years later I can see the merits of it, but somehow that doesn't motivate me .... much. I'm best in a "must do" scenario. Today's "must do" scenario is the return of my oldest daughter. She's been gone for 6 weeks and as much as I detest breaking out the scrubbers for the bathroom and vacuuming the rafters in the living/family rooms- I want the house to be clean so it "feels" good when she arrives home later today. I love the clean feeling, as well. The main glitch is that it doesn't last long enough due to the other heathens that occupy this house with me!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work I go....

Slugsville

Boy, I've been a real slug with my blog this month. Not sure why- I just feel completely apathetic.

I've been waking up with horrible headaches A LOT. what's the deal with that? Shouldn't you feel your best after a night of sleep? I feel like crap most of the time it seems. Aching Head, Aching Neck. My neck has been really out of whack.

Bri comes home this Saturday. 6 weeks FLEW by. I have mixed feelings. It's been so nice not to deal with her drama. There's been plenty of long distance drama- but she is much nicer to me when she's not home. Ok lets be real. I'm dreading it. I'm expecting her to be completely pissed off about being home and take it all out on me. I actually feel somewhat ill, knowing what will inevitably be coming. I don't think distance will have made her heart feel fonder-- if anything it will probably have only confirmed how badly she wants to leave. I just wish that didn't mean making my life a living misery.

School starts in 3 weeks. Where did summer go? I'm going to miss being a slug.

Ugh HOT

We're in Santa Clara for softball and it's HOT. I don't like it when it's over 80. I know most of the west is sizzling at 100* so I can't really complain, but I must. Because I love softball but sitting in the sun broiling somewhat ruins the joy of watching the girls play. I forgot my camera at home so darn! No pics. The first game at 8am was a loss. 2 more games today. We slept like crap and I personally have that hangover feeling from only getting a few hours sleep. I requested a room change and I think tonight will be much better. We had obnoxious neighbors across the hall who were SO loud. Plus one of the guys was drunk and oogling my 13 year old. PERV!

edit: wonderful breeze kicked up this afternoon so I'm not dying of heat anymore. Woot! We're back for a pool break before the last game later this afternoon.

I guess I'm done jumping out of my skin. I've been in a funk and I still feel like I'm not quite myself. I've accepted that B., my bipolar daughter is on her own for the summer and will simply continue to hope that she manages to navigate her days on her own. Every time I talk to her she's done something that screams of "not thinking it through" which is maddening (to me!) Yet, she appears to be having a good time and I can only hope that on the other end she'll come through the experience more mature and motivated, as well as having a realistic view of the world and what it will take for her to be responsible for herself on a daily basis. I worry constantly about whether she is taking her meds- and I don't think she'd tell me if she's not. Oh well. There's only so much I can do.

In other news- we got an Offer on our house, which we countered and they accepted. We're technically in escrow now, but I'm not holding my breath. The "Offerors" have to sell their house and in this market I'm not overly optimistic that it's all going to come together. However, I'd appreciate any good thoughts and/or vibes on this matter. I suppose I'll now have to start weeding through junk, trying to pare down in an effort to prepare for possibly moving (again.) sigh. Moving is SUCH a PITA!

Leaving this afternoon for our last softball tournament for the summer. I'm definitely ready for softball to be over. Not looking forward to the weekend since it means traveling to and being in the super uber hot heat this weekend. Bleck. I'm not a heat lover.

MIA

Yep, that about sums things up lately. Me= MIA.

The last month has mostly been a blur. To much to do, to much to keep track of.

I've made it through to the other end, but I'm really struggling right now trying to work through issues revolving around anxiety (me) and anger-dissapointment-selfishness- related to my oldest child. Not knowing if the way she behaves is her bipolar or simply an all consuming over-riding selfish ungreatful need to behave in a way that crushes me to the very core. I want to believe she doesn't do it on purpose but I'm having a definite crisis of faith.

Birthday and softball updates to come later, when I don't feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin.