Grrrrrrr.... Pictures!

I've been trying to upload and publish pics of C. pitching for 2 days. Every time I get them all set and click upload- the page is returned with an error! It's quite aggravating....

Fun in the Sun.... and Wind

Nothing like a day at the pool in the sun and wind to tire you (me) out. Here it is only 10:30 and I'm seriously tired. 10 kiddos at the bday party today. Nearly a perfect day except for the blow-me-down wind! I'm to tired to upload pictures even. Lots of fun was had by all girl, minus one who had the typical pre-teen angst over some imagined injustice committed by one or more of the girls in attendance.

The Giants were rained out for the 2nd day in a row. Barry didn't get to wear #42, in honor of Jackie Robinson's 60th anniversary of his first game in the MLB. Instead, I watched the Padres and Dodgers on ESPN Sunday night baseball. The Pad's really sucked tonight. It was a disappointing, one sided game. All the Jackie Robinson festivities were cool though- especially hearing his widow speak. My interest is sufficiently peaked, that I may check the library for Jackie's auto-biography. I'm especially curious as to why he decided to retire, rather than be traded to the then NY Giants. I never knew that black players were forced to sleep at different hotels. That's appalling.

Softball game tomorrow night...... my girl will be pitching :o)

Birthday Pictures

Birthday Lunch


















View from our table
















Windy day, plus more of the view

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Blowing out the candles!

Before opening gifts!

Yummm!!

Typical goofy poses..

Spring Break Draws to an End

Friday night. Spring Break is almost over. It was nice sleeping in a few days this past week . Cierra had her birthday. Tomorrow is softball games- and Sunday is C.'s bday party. Monday it's back to reality. I haven't uploaded the bday pictures yet. Each day seems to go by so quickly then it's midnight and I'm pooped! I'm not sure how B. is feeling... she is so hard to read, but I think the worst of her depressive episode has passed. I hope.

My Baby's Birthday

Today (Thurs) was my baby's 11th birthday! She had her sister sleep in her room last night, and this morning I woke to the sound of a door slamming at about 8am. There was then whispering and giggling for awhile, and in my half awake state, I recalled that the night before C. told me she was going to stay in bed until exactly 8:32 am, which is her birth time. At 8:33 am she came into my room to tell me she is now 11. Major tugging on my heartstrings! It was a good day... lots of laughing. Lunch at Sapporo's. I love that place. Japanese style cooking at your table. Beautiful sunny day, although very windy! I ordered the most phenomenal Black Forest Cake for her. Oh it was delish! She was beyond excited to receive the *big surprise*..... a cell phone!
It was a moment to remember-- the stunned, OMG look on her face! Even B. seemed to have a semi good time.... it's the first day she's been out of bed and somewhat out of her funk.

Happy Birthday Cierra!! I can't believe it's been 11 years already!
Pictures to follow.

Here we go again.....

My oldest daughter, B. is in a bad place, again. She is posting on her webpage about wanting to cut herself. Wanting to go to sleep and never get up. She won't talk to me. Her outward demeanor is hostile. Angry. Or alternatively, completely unresponsive. She doesn't try to fight it. She won't let anyone help her and I don't know what to do. She scares me when she is like this. I never know if she is just venting, or when/if it will go beyond words to action. I don't see any signs of mania- only depression. God I hate this. Why can't I help my child? Why won't she LET me? Doesn't she want to be happy... to somehow move beyond the demons that haunt her?

An Attack of Nostalgia

This week is going to go by to fast. I can feel it happening . Thursday is my baby's birthday.
I'm not prepared yet, so today is the day to get it done while she is at a friends house. I can't fathom how it's been nearly 11 years. Last night I was thinking about how 11 years ago I was in my last days of pregnancy- and it made me really sad. I know I'll never be pregnant again. No more babies. No more toddlers. That magical feeling of the baby moving inside you. I tried to remember exactly how it felt to hold her when she was hours old, and I had a very hard time recapturing the feeling. The joy of baby's first smile, their unbridled baby laughter, even the crying that only *you* can soothe. There was joy, in the midst of sheer exhaustion. My baby still likes to snuggle with me every night. She is my baseball watching buddy. She is very upset if she can't be right next to me on the couch. I found myself wondering how much longer it will last. Her 21 month older sister doesn't need to sit next to me anymore. She doesn't want my side or lap to snuggle up to. Normal, completely normal, I know. But.... I'm not ready for them to not need me anymore. I wish I could recapture and bottle the earlier days......for the future which I know is coming and I'd do anything to push it back.