Kiwi, the amazing fat cat

I took this picture and sent it to Cierra at Science camp, because I knew she'd be missing our cat. Pretty funny pic- don't know how I managed to catch her with her tongue hanging out!

She is the most docile cat I've ever known. Loves to be pushed down on the floor and rolled around, smacked on her tummy- she just takes it all and purrs loudly.

Exhausted

Exhausted. That's what I am.... but in a good way. Was gone all day. 2 softball games, both away. Both games won. First game 12-1; Second game 19-7. It was a beautiful day, sunny but tooo windy.
Arrived home nearly 9 hours after I'd left, thoroughly wiped out. Amazing how the sun and wind can sap one's body of all energy. I wish I had pictures, but it's so hard taking them when I'm scorekeeping.
Left this morning before B. was awake. You think she'd call, at least once? Wondering where I am, or her sisters? It's unusual for us to be gone for hours on end. A few hours- ok, but all day?Nope, not my kiddo. Gone all day and no call, nor a thought. Arrived home tonight to find her grumpy as usual. Looking like she did nothing but sit on the couch and watch tv all day. Saw no signs of having done any school work or having studied for her driving test. The one thing I asked her to do was spend some time going over the info for the test so she can pass the dang thing! I'm seriously annoyed at her lack of motivation to get her licence. Gee, I've only had that honda sitting out in front of the house for..... nearly 6 months now? Awaiting her gloried presence...
Oh well! Just another one of the many mysteries that is my daughter. go figure. If someone had handed me a car when I was 16; I'd have been all over it faster than.... well I don't know what. but Fast. LOL

Exhaustion rules... must go sleep now.

Equilibrium Re-established

Cierra is home. Tired and happy. Happy to see me, Very happy! And I can't begin to describe how happy I was to see her. There is amazing restorative power with love. Several long hugs, and we are both grinning ear to ear. I love that kiddo so dang much. Extra bonus: my buddy to again watch baseball with. It's not nearly as fun watching alone. And the Giants actually pulled off a win tonight! Woowoo, Go Giants!

Update on B,:
after our blow up yesterday, she made a rare attempt to make amends with me. She didn't have a lot to say- but the effort to apologize is huge. Bipolar skews all the lines. Everything, including normal easy communication is amazingly hard. Things for you and I, just are not the same for someone who is bipolar.Anyway- she couldn't articulate what happened or why it happened, but for a rare change, she listened to me and I felt like headway was made and some resolution occurred. It's very very rare- and a gift I don't take lightly. I love this girl too... It's a much more complicated love- she knows how to break my heart like no other. But I love her fiercely.
I hope life for her will someday, not be so hard.

Out of Sorts

I've felt very discombobulated this week. That's such an odd word... Cierra has been away and I wasn't expecting to feel so out of sorts with her gone. In addition I have been feeling off, physically. For some reason my eyes are really bothering me and I've had some very strangely painful headaches. Today I had a huge blow up with B. Some of her issues are so difficult to deal with, and leave me so emotionally drained. Times like this I struggle with feeling extremely bereft. No one to share with, cry with, gain strenth and perspective from. It's very isolating and lonely.
I'm feeling really low. I'm glad my youngest sweetie will be home tomorrow. I need some hugs.

She's Off to Science Camp

My baby left this morning for a week of Science Camp. It was a rushed weekend after softball, to wash, organize, pack and buy last min items like sunscreen, rain poncho, insect repellent. Small drama over not wanting to take a sleeping bag... " it's to uncomfortable" ( I agree), which I solved by taking her comforter, fleece blanket, and pillow- rolling them all up together, securing with a bungee cord and putting into the carry bag for the sleeping bag. Worked like a charm. It's awfully quiet around here without my baseball partner, don't touch me because I'm so ticklish, snuggle girl. Hope you're having a blast and not feeling to weird trying to sleep away from home.

Here's one of the two busses taking the kids to camp

Cierra is in the grey sweatshirt in the middle of this pic.

Her friend Margaret is next to her on the right, short

blonde hair. Nichole is in the back, waving. The are about

to board the buses.

Yawn

Nothing like getting up at 6am on Saturday. M. is going with her middle school music dept to a competition/festival about 2 hours away. They had to be at the school by 6:30 and will be back around 10pm tonight. Hope they have fun. I don't enjoy getting up so early on the weekend. But I do have to admit, there is something extremely peaceful about seeing the sun come up, and being able to enjoy coffee, email, and a quiet quiet house before anyone else is up. it's not so bad once I can drag myself out of bed.

Heading out to softball games in another hour or so. Then the afternoon will be spent washing clothes and packing up C. for Science camp next week. She leaves Monday and it's going to be so quiet in our house without her here. She's never been away from home for longer than one night. My baby. I know I'm going to miss her terribly. She'll have a blast though!

Here's a picture of my baby several years ago. Awwwwww........!

Powem, by Brianna

I came across this poem written by my oldest daughter when she was about 8 or 10. Note the spelling of "poem." LOL. It perfectly represents who she is still, today, at 17. Seeing it again after all these years made me both laugh and feel sad. I hope someday my girl will be able to spread her wings and be free.