Saturday Night Rambling

Tonight I "fixed" my daughter's alarm clock. Yes, according to her- it didn't work. I had no problem testing it and confirming that yes, indeed it does work. I set it for 7am and have fingers crossed that she'll manage to actually get up, but I'm not counting on it. I've got my alarm set for 7:30 since I don't realistically expect her to be up before that time. Working on the weekend at 9am sucks! I have to get up early every day- I don't like having to get up early just to get her up so she can go to work on the weekend. This wasn't part of my plan when I told her she had to get a job as a condition of being on independent study. At least she learned to use the computer to request days off- finally. But I'm sure it'll be 2 weeks before I get a respite, since they have to request their days off that far in advance.

So my day alone went up in smoke. Today is my husband's birthday. Only he's not really my husband. He is, but he isn't. It's complicated. Anyway the girls were supposed to spend the day with him and I was sorely looking forward to being ALONE for the afternoon. I had great plans to veg and watch Law & Order all afternoon. Turns out he is sick..... not like dying in bed sick but enough that I'm not letting the girls near him for a whole afternoon. Not after the past month of merry-go-round sickness that I've had to deal with. We took him a few presents and clam chowder per his request when I picked up B. after work this evening. I love my DVR! I did record many episodes of L&O, and watched some. I have a partner in crime, M. who likes to watch with me- when she isn't busy being a 12 year old with an attitude. Lately I am finding parenting such a challenge. All 3 of the girls seem to be on the hormonal highway of hell. I miss the old days when all they wanted was for me to read to them and snuggle.

I am really bothered by the Saddam hanging. I admit I'm not a news freak and don't always know exactly what is happening immediately in the world, but I was shocked to see it on my homepage last night. I didn't know he was to be hanged. I'm disgusted by how it's everywhere today. You can watch in online in graphic detail. I've purposely refrained from reading any in depth articles, and would never in a million years watch a video of it. He ranks right up there with Hitler in terms of his heinous crimes against humanity, However I can't help being so repulsed by every minute detail being available to rewind & replay... again and again.....despite his execution one has to wonder if the government will ever be stable in Iraq and whether life will really improve for the people. It certainly doesn't seem that any positive goal is any closer to being attained. My heart aches everyday for new families who have lost a brother, son, father, uncle, mother, daughter, aunt, sister, husband, wife, best friend. It's all so senseless.

Coffee, Where's the Coffeeeeeee???????

Grrrr.... I hate getting up early on the weekends! Once again, my daughter did not set her alarm. So I had to drag her out of bed with 40 mins to shower and get ready for work and leave. Why do I have to do this? Why can't she set her alarm and get up? She is almost 17 years old and despite BP, I just *don't get it* I'm so sick of starting my day this way. Oh and just to clarify... it's not like she hops up and is thankful I woke her! It's a friggin drama that ends with my heart pounding. I could go on, but I won't. Thank god for automatic ready coffee...... I'm not sure what I'd do without it. Only a mocha would be better at this point. Please let this not set the tone for the rest of the day.

My Girls, Christmas 2006

So where has the time gone? The past two weeks have been super charged busy! Christmas was good. I managed to get everything done in the week preceding, maybe 10 days. This year was tough, shopping wise. The girls are getting older and becoming more challenging to shop for. This might very well be one of the last years I actually buy any toys. The older two girls simply wanted clothes and girly stuff- they pretty much shopped with me, tried stuff on and I bought it, then wrapped it. Managed a few surprised though: A huge handbag that Bri wanted for her upcoming summer in SF. She was pretty jazzed by it. Morganne loved her clothes. Also found a "Never Flat" basketball for her... hope it works. A couple pair of shoes including some knock off Uggs. Cierra got some sweatshirts, basketball pants, Rock-em-Sock-em Robots, Mall Madness, DS games, Gamecube Games and Ipod Speakers. She and I played the Rock-em-Sock-em last night, what a riot! We were laughing so hard. I remember those from when I was a kid.

I'm ready to take the tree down. It was our first year with a fake tree. I love the remote controlled lights. But the cat keeps attacking the tree and I'm tired of yelling at her to knock it off. I'm not sure if I can take it down by myself; it was pretty heavy and I'll probably have to enlist the help of J. Oh well. There's so much I still have to re lie on him for-- I often wish I was completely independent of him. Ours is a very complicated relationship. So tomorrow is his birthday and the girls informed me that he wants an MP3, but it didn't have to be an ipod. Good thing cos I can't afford an Ipod right now. I found a good deal clearanced on CircuitCity.com; picked it up tonight. I'm hoping he'll just want to spend the day with the girls because I don't really want to go out to dinner and do all that. I got him the first season of SNL as well. That's something I'd love too! Gotta love the original SNL. Nothing like it since. Chee-burger, Chee-burger anyone?

Tomorrow I hope to veg watching the day long Law & Order marathon on TNT. Bri is working all day, so I'm hopeful that I might actually have some alone time. Adjusting to her being home all the time has been really difficult. This past fall has been the most stressful time yet I think-- with the realization of her BP disease is never going to go away and the daily dealings push me to the brink and beyond sometimes. Now that she is home and on independent study, some things are better but there are still so many issues. Just about every day I wish I could climb under a rock and make it all go away. I have a pity party at least a few times per week and then move on. I try real hard to keep it in perspective and realize that things could always be worse...... my child isn't dying of cancer like a few other kids we've known in the past year. But ya know, my fears for her never go away. Life is so much harder for her than most other girls her age. I fear that she'll never be happy and never find her passion in life; and won't be able to handle the reality of life as an independent adult with her disease; won't take care of herself properly to keep it in check. I guess that is what this summer is about. It'll be a good trial run to test her independence. I'm scared to death about it.
Well I'm pooped and I have to get up at 7am to rouse miss I-always-forget-to-set-my-alarm, who has to work at 9am. Shit, I hate this early morning work on the weekends business. She really needs to get her licence.

Good Lord, give me the energy and strength to make it through the end of tonight. Hormonal 1o year old , 5th grade girls are a headache and a half.

Tonight is my daughter's 5th grade winter band concert. She is learning how to play the clarinet. They were not supposed to have a concert until spring, but suddenly the band director thinks they are ready to perform- after only 2 combined weeks of band rehearsal. Prior to combined band, they had weekly instrumental lessons. Ok, so that is fine I guess. But given 4 days notice I had to pull together black pants, black shoes and a white shirt. My daughter is a little difficult to fit not to mention my extreme shortage of time. I made an executive decision that she could wear her black cargo pants and black tennies. I don't have time or bucks to go buy her stuff to wear once and on such short notice. We borrowed a white button down shirt. It will suffice. Hey, they're only playing 2 songs! First of all I was late picking her up this afternoon. My bad.. I thought band practice was over at 3:30 and it was actually 3:15.

Here's the rundown on my afternoon which seems like they're all this way lately:

• 1:45 pick up M. at Middle School
• 2-3:30 run to mall, shop for black pants/shoes for B., who is starting new job Friday. It's now or never.
• 3:30 pick up C. from Band practice. I'm late.
• 3:30-3:45 listen to hysterical C. tell me she can't wear black tennis shoes to the concert. MUST have dress shoes. WTH? We're told this with 2.5 hours until the concert?
• Drive home. M runs in to change into basketball clothes.
• 3:50 back in the car and onward to drop off at basketball.
• 4pm, arrive Middle School
• 4:15 back home
• 4:30 eat sandwich. Starving! Sit for a few mins and watch Will Smith on Oprah. My my he is aging nicely.
• 5pm start trying to get C ready for concert. She's being obnoxious.
• 5:15 drag C off computer. Discover black pants for concert have been walked on and have huge gaping holes on the back of both hems. She is freaking out. Ugh what next? Pants trashed. Dig through sisters pants, will any of them work? No. Find a pair of navy pants in back of closet. Ok they'll have to do. What about the shoes? Again, raid sister's closet. Meanwhile C. is carrying on crying and I've about had it. Sigh. Find shoes, raig M's closet again. One pair to big, one to small but hey, the small ones we'll sqeeze in.. since we HAVE to have dress shoes.
• 5:40 Try to talk C. out of her "mood". Brush hair. More crying ensues
• 5:45 leave to pick up M from basketball practice
• 6:10 drive home, talk to M about attending C's concert. More drama. She doesn't want to go. She has another basketball practice. What's with all the attitude? Everytime I turn around someone is being mouthy.
• 6:25 arrive home. Tell M, she can leave and go to practice after C. is done playing. She'll be 20 mins late or so. Deal with it.
• 6:30 Get clarinet, finish C.'s hair
• 6:35 everyone in the car. On the way to MS for concert
• 6:50 arrive MS
• 7pm concert starts. They are adorable and the high school kids really cheered and stomped for the, That was very cool.
• 8pm, intermission. That's it for me and oldest daughter. We head out. C. stays with her dad to watch jazz band. Dad graciously agree's to pick up M from basketball at 8:30 so I don't have to go out yet again for another pick up.
• 8:20 Home.......... ahhhhhhhhhhh
• 8:40 M. & C. arrive home

Ugh I'm so exhausted at this point. M. comes in from basketball and is emotionally falling apart. Her back hurts. Her neck hurts. Heachache. Stomach ache. She's red and flushed. Crap is she sick or just to much physical activity? Well I'm voting for to much activity 3.5 hours of basketball in one day is a bit much. I decide we all need to chill and even though it's late, there has been so much drama and tears- I don't want everyone going to bed with negative feelings. We decide to watch the finale of the Biggest Loser, which was on the DVR. Yeah Eric! he looks amazing. Two hundred and fourteen friggin pounds lost! Unreal. M. made the comment that was like losting "4 Nicole's" ( a petite friend of C's). We all crack up because it's true!

10:30 everyone is in bed at last and I'm ready to drop.

11pm I'm finally in my room, done for the day/night.

Phone rings.... friend calls... we talk for an hour or so.... I'm going to pass out at this point.

Midnight or so, crawl into bed. Yipee...alarm to start all over in 6.5 hours.

Ended day with 4 Advil and 1/2 xanax. Sleep come quickly tonight please..........

Hello, Blog Novice Here

Well, so I've decided to try my hand at blogging. I enjoy reading my friends blogs; It allows me to learn new things about them and more fully share life. I'm sure this will be a work in progress. I'm not sure exactly where to start or what I want to say at this point. I'm envisioning this as a personal account of my thoughts and so forth. I have a hard time opening up in real life; perhaps this venue will make it easier.

For now, I must go try to rouse my 16 year old daughter who is still asleep at 10am. She has chronic sleep issues and getting her out of bed is definitely one of the least favorite parts of my day.